I’ve dropped nearly 40 pounds (yay!), and while I expected social dynamics to shift, I didn’t anticipate how much my personal space would shrink. It’s bizarre, but I’m constantly being bumped into, held, or grabbed by the waist and back by male friends and acquaintances. Nothing explicitly ‘wrong’ has happened yet, but I feel like a puppet. I often freeze up and can’t find the words to say I’m uncomfortable, making me wonder if I’m just being sensitive. When I was heavier, I felt in control because people kept their distance. Now, I’m struggling to adapt to being touched more. Is this normal?
UPDATE
Thanks for the support. I didn’t expect so many to relate. I appreciate the advice and now see that this behavior isn’t okay. I’m learning to set boundaries and realizing my old body was a sort of shield. I need to be more alert and build mental strength to protect myself now that my ‘armor’ is gone.
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This explains why many who have experienced trauma feel more secure at a higher body weight.
Are you on the younger side? I dealt with this constantly in my teens and twenties. It’s definitely intrusive, and I really recommend speaking up when it makes you feel uneasy.
You’re definitely not overreacting; that sounds incredibly awkward. I’m sorry you’re going through that. If it happens again, try to tell them to stop or just physically move their hands away from you.
You don’t need to ‘learn’ to accept it; you need to learn how to communicate your limits. This is a very typical experience for people who become more conventionally attractive. No one is entitled to touch you. If someone tries, step back, put a hand up, or turn away. It takes some getting used to, but you’ll find what works for you.
You aren’t overthinking this, and you aren’t obligated to be okay with people touching you. I’m currently working on setting firm boundaries whenever I feel even slightly bothered. I’m practicing saying things like ‘Please don’t touch me’ or ‘I’d prefer a fist bump over a hug.’ Using ‘please’ makes it easier for me to say, even if it’s optional. Some people might be taken aback, but that’s their problem. It gets easier with time, even if you still freeze up occasionally.
This reminds me of a podcast where they said ‘being overweight means being overlooked,’ which can feel safer. Definitely set some hard boundaries and ensure they are respected!